I'm leaving on Thursday-in exactly 55 hours, and I couldn't be more excited. This has been a really rough summer for various reasons, and often when I think about it I want to get angry, but I realize it's not in my nature to be that way. A lot of things that I've done and felt or have happened to me this summer are not in my nature. I'm usually never a huge fan of the majority of the people around me, but I usually keep my distance. I'm usually very secluded and introverted, which has served me well thus far. I like being on the outside because then there is very little worries, pettiness, gossip, and drama, and when you have an opinion about something you form it unbiasedly and therefore are more entitled to it than anyone else. I made friends here, which in retrospect may have been a mistake (although I'm often only comfortable with my relationships at a distance), but making friends has gotten me involved with a whole host of drama and bullshit that I really could have done without. I'm not blaming them in any way at all because the same things would have happened whether or not I was their friend, and it was definitely my choice to become their friend, but I feel like if I would have taken the potentially higher and likelier lonely road and kept to myself I wouldn't have been involved with all the shit I have been this summer and stooped to levels I haven't in quite a long time. Once I made friends here, though, it was inevitable because you can't make friends here without choosing sides.

I'm just ready to go back to being myself-a little unbalanced, but mostly netural, mostly calm, mostly uncaring about small things, and mostly alone. I desperately need alone time. I can't wait to get in my car and drive away. I can't wait to have enough distance to assess whether these people are real friends or friends of conveinice. I can't wait to be away from everyone's (including my own) hypocrisy and be able to stop letting other people weighing me down. A friend of mine here described the attitude/environment of some people here as toxic, and it's totally true. I came to California to feel refreshed but I'm leaving feeling poisioned. I need to find my values, my standing, my real friends, and my true personality on my own again. I just really need to get away. I'm so glad I'm leaving early because I couldn't handle another week here. Even my friends are alternately really great or really annoying, which isn't exactly the most comfortable way to go through a summer. I'm  just ready to feel comfortable again and be around people I feel comfortable with. Only 55 more hours-just gotta keep on keepin on.

PS-An apology for the spelling/grammar/clarity of this entry-it's late and I'm super tired. But I mean everything I said, at least I do right now.

but super happy! I didn't get to go camping this break because I was super sick on Monday/Tuesday, but today I went to Montery and did some sick kayaking on the ocean! The marine life there is amazing...I saw sea lions, seals, giant crabs, sea otter families (with adorable little babies!) and paddled through a kelp forest, which was pretty cool. It was a highly enjoyable day, except my face got preposterously burnt from the reflections off the water. Not cool, but totally worth it.

Camp is continuing to keep me on my toes, I had not the greatest week last week but I am so so so excited for this week! It's a rental-a school in California for kids who use assistive communication technology. I can't wait! I've heard that their staff is shit, but I'm so excited for the campers! We also only have 4 campers to a cabin, which will be a nice break, and my co-counselor and get along really well, so that's something to be happy about!

I actually spent some time with my fellow co-counselors this break since I wasn't off galavanting through the woods, and it was very interesting. I was surprised to find that a lot, in fact the majority, of the staff here are very conservative and religious...which is yuckyish. But besides that, they're very nice people, there are just certain conversations I'd like to avoid with them, if at all possible. I just think it's funny that a camp staff in northern California, one of the most liberal places ever, is mostly comprised of very conservative people. I hope my City Year co-workers are cool, because I need to know more cool people :)

So, I've finally figured out what I'm going to be doing with the rest of my life...at least, for the next 10 months! I got a job with City Year in Philadelphia! I'm sooo excited. I was hoping to do AmeriCorps out west, and I am in love with it out here, but it will be really nice to be close to my family for the next year or so...I think! In any case, I really wasn't expecting to get this position because I applied the day before applications were due and I did a really half-assed job. I applied on a whim right before I left Pennsylvania because I was really sad to be leaving my family and thought it would be nice to be closer. So I got my first interview, then surprisingly got a second, missed my first second interview because I was stuck in California traffic, then finally had my second interview my first week of camp. I was told that I should hear in like two-three days after my second interview and didn't hear anything for two weeks, so I just assumed I didn't get it...but then yesterday I got my acceptance packet in the mail! Soooo exciting!!!!

I'll be assigned to a school in inner-city Philadelphia and work as a tutor/classroom aide during the day and run after-school and volutneer programs in the evening! I can't wait! I'm super nervous about living in a city and living on a ridiculously tight budget, but I think it's going to be an awesome experience!

Camp is not going the greatest, but I'm hoping things will improve because this week has been pretty miserable. More details to follow, I'm sure, the next time someone pisses me off. And also, thanks to everyone that has sent me mail! It really cheers me up :)